I don't know why I'm taking it so hard.

Maybe because I really wanted him there.

Maybe because I never get to see my family, like everyone: aunts, uncles, cousins, distant relatives..they're all gonna be there. 

What's sad is I'm giving up wanting to show him to my family.

Whenever I can, something happens.

Fate won't let me.

When people say they turn to stone

to hide their feelings.

I feel it happening.

My heart feels hard now.

I understand why he has to stay.

I really do.

But the fact is I got my hopes up in thinking he can actually make it.

I don't want to get my hopes up anymore.

This is what happens.

I know I'm gonna be sad now at my family party.

Why hide it.

He can't even show up for a little bit.

It'd be too much of a hassle anyways.

That's why I said I would drive us. I would drive back and forth to make my mom happy. And give him less stress.

It doesn't matter.

I wish I can leave for Simi now so I don't have to think of him not being there.

I want him to get to know the one thing that I care about the most, but he can't be there. 

He can never go.

I feel like there's no point inviting him anymore.

I get my hopes up.

I'm being redundant. 

I don't care.

Caring means you hurt more anyway.

I don't want to care. 

Want to talk sacrifice.

I give up going to Simi every weekend because I want you to be there to get to know them.

I stay to get to know your family. your extended family.

Sorry I'm being bitter. Don't mind me. Really.

I'm being a bitch about it.

This is my ranting don't pay attention.

You don't even need to bring it up. I'll get over it. I dont care. i dont care i dont care i dont care.