So two not so surprising revelations:

I miss my family. a lot. It's weird because I know I can't live Simi anymore because it's really too quiet there and I think I'd argue with my parents a lot and get annoyed of amandrew but I miss how I knew what I wanted to do each day when I was there. It was my dad's 50th birthday this weekend. He's an entertaining drunk. Wine ftw apparently. 

I think what I wish I could be around more though are my cousins and siblings. I'm not exactly that close with them but considering we're basically all  loners we know how to band together and just be a loner like family I feel comfortable.

Maybe that's why all the friends I did end up hanging out with before (and at the present) end up being a significant other's friends and it just made sense to get along with them but as a result I technically can't make my own friends. I mean I heart them all. Those of today and before. But it's like they'll always be so-and-so's friend first. And always. Leaving Casey Redublo a

s a fail. 

That goes into my second unsurprisingly revelation:

Since my social life is non existent I can work towards something that I feel strongly about. I realize I owe my parents a lot. The work they did and continue to do for me and my brudder and seester. Going back to Simi somewhat woke up me from taking all my studying nights for granted. I need to work hard. Not for myself and my future success but for my family. The people who put me there. I want to make them proud. To make up for all those days i wasn't there in high school and college. I want to make everything worth it. Live life with no regret right? I hope I can remember everyday I'm doing it for them. I'm doing it to make them happy and proud that I'm their daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, and cousin. I mean I shouldn't worry about friends right? Sure my retention of friendships needs help but I guess my mindset of they're too busy for me remains strong. Meh. I mean the friends I did manage to make on my own happened for a reason so I'll let it happen. This is where I leave fate to too much control huh? Oh well. So pending goal: transfer to a school in LA to be closer to them and possibly find a social life in a city where the potential is existent.