I know we've been fighting too much. For so long. About the same shit.
You know why. I've yelled, cried, expressed myself in so many ways for you to see it and hopefully make it better. I keep expecting you'll be my knight in shining army and save me.
I'm sorry.
Maybe I am in love with the idea of being in love.
I lost myself in the things you did for me.
I try to think of things we can do together that is unlike what you would do with your friends. Something we can have together. A special thing that's a secret to everyone but us.
Our moment to smile and feel like it's just us two.
Reality has it though that we can't be like that.
You asked to just go on a break. Something I don't believe in.
I leave you...I refuse to even be your friend. You have something unlike what I've given other people. To see you when I know we're not the same - my knight in shining army is but a medieval artifact. Lost to the ideas of hopeless love and rampart epidemics of small pox and measles.
I'll always love you.
I promise I'll see you again someday if things don't work out.
I gave up thinking it'll magically be okay. I cried too much.
Maybe I should have built a wall. It wouldn't hurt this much.
I want to say it'll be okay tomorrow but I feel like it'll be a goodbye.
Thank you for all you've done. Sorry I'm too insecure for you. That you can't be yourself around me. Be happy.
I'll set this message to you aside.
I'm hoping the more negative I think the less likely it'll happen.
I lie when I say I have no hope for us. I just don't want to expect it to happen.
Please. I'm sorry I'm not who you expected. I'm needy. You can't give me what I want. I should say goodbye but I can't. Seems like I'm going somewhere huh?
Bye love.
Always and forever.
From the day we met to even now. I love you.
All my heart and soul,
Casey
