apathy.

am i really just gonna go each day with no expectations?

i never wished so much in my life as i do now.
i just want to be seen the way i really am. the way i know i am. but i feel like when i wake up now the situations i'm placed in doesn't let me be who i am.
i wish people saw me and realized i am someone to go to; to be happy with; to love.

this goes for friends, family, and him.

it's hard to smile lately that's all.

i only push now because if i let things go the way it is assumptions get made about me.
i'm being patient.
i'm waiting for that moment when maybe i am something in someone's life.
i've never felt so useless.


i hate loving love now.
that's all i want and wish for.
love isn't happiness. it's another form of selfishness.


i'm negative because the way you made me see myself.
i'm needy.
selfish.
and not someone who's needed by the person i thought cared for me more than anyone.

i hate putting the blame on you but i don't see things with a happy heart anymore.
because i know i'm nothing to you.
and i know you won't read this.

i'm sorry you don't see me as fun.
i used to be.
i used to want to go out.
but you never wanted to..with me.
it's always lets drink lets see my friends.
there's a reason why it seems like i dont know anyone. you never want to do stuff with my friends. the ppl i care about. i'm being patient with your negativity. before you say it's just casey being herself think about the reasons why.

i feel worthless.
i let my dreams disappear because you seemed to scoff at it.
i can't follow what i fantasize about because you make it seem impossible.