Hate to admit it but she was right.

My mom called it.
The whole relationship thing.
I mouth diarrhea'd just now about how sometimes I feel people don't live out their college years.

I realized how dumb I was in high school thinking my boyfriend at the time was everything.
And I'm so glad my mom and dad let me experience it.
So I can look back and be like wow I'm an idiot.
And I did.
I looked back
and now I want to smack my former self and shake my head.

I learned though, that's the important thing.

Don't get me wrong.
Being in a relationship did mean a lot to me.
I would love to be back in one.
But I want one where both of us are ready to dedicate ourselves to each other while knowing exactly who we are.
I know where I want to go now because I don't have that someone else to think about in the back of my mind. I know what I hate, I know what I"m passionate about, I know what I want to live for.
My mom was right.
She told me before the only reason why I'm letting you have a boyfriend is because I want you to experience and learn. But don't make him everything.

That was when I was 16.

Now, I'm the one going off to her about how sometimes I think people don't live out their lives in college because they have their boyfriend to always think about. Instead of being with friends that they probably won't have the time to develop relationships with anymore, they spend time with a guy they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I mean don't they have the REST of their lives for that. How about the now?

It's funny how this all hit me now.
Being back home for Memorial Day Weekend was a wake up call.
A sweaty, gawd I hate the weather here, wake up call but one that opened up my eyes nonetheless.

It's funny how much you grow when you are forced to be independent.
I still want to fall in love.
But time won't let me.
I'm not mature yet. When I say mature, I mean I'm still learning what I want in life. Sure the idea of finding someone so I can spend my life with him is something I've always wanted but I can't look for that. If life takes me there life takes me there.

Sometimes I do believe in destiny.
Epiphanies like this provide the reason for that belief.

Happy end of the month everyone.
June here I come. The last month as a junior in college.