what do i want..

i know i prepared myself for the worst
but honestly wow

i might as well skipped the midterm
fuck.
i didnt think i'd really do that bad.

and auditions.
i knew i wasn't gonna make it.
but the fact that i put so much into it...

i've been pretty optimistic lately.
optimistic..looking toward the future..glass half full

this is probably the first time in awhile
im actually sad.

like legit sad.
i know i cried about auditions during actual auditions
but even now i can't bring myself to open the email.
there's no point.
confirming the point that i didn't do my best
after working so hard.
gawd i know i shouldn't give up.
but at this point i will.

of course i'll pick it up again
but right now..

the scores for the first organic chemistry ranged from almost perfect
to almost zero.

i got almost zero.