i hate coming off as someone who knows what i want.
sometimes seeing what i want
is just a tease.
i noticed whenever i imagine a certain outcome it never happens.
straight up if i think of something it doesn't happen.
i get my hopes up.
that's basically what it comes down to.
sometimes i feel like the things i do is so pointlessly.
i want things to just be set up for me.
gahh socialism dammit.
is there a point in doing med school?
of course fear holds me back.
so does my intuition of warning signs saying don't do it you're gonna end up failing thus exclaiming fuck my life. depression depression sad face tears qq.
i'd rather skip all that and suddenly meet someone who changes it all.
like a jesus like figure (maybe i'll see my old high school calc teacher again) who will suddenly show me the way and dundundun light in my shadowed excuse off a life.
im just scared.
i won't be worth it.
everything won't be worth it.
why is nick sitting next to me i can't rant if he's staring at me.
gah i just want to eat.
and get fat.
and have that be my challenging thing in my life so i can write a sob story to get into med school. wow that girls got so depressed she ate her pain away...yea let her into our school...yeahhhh
i hate sarcastic me.
she's stupid.
i wish i had a counselor, for life.
to tell me what to do and how to do it.
and what exactly i like and can be happy with in the future.
fuck me.
it's my quarter life crisis.
i knew i'd freak out once i turned 20.
fuck thats in one month i'll be two decades.
fuck.
-_-
why can't i find my passion already.
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