limbo

As much as I want to stay active in APhiO

time won't let me.

I was coincidentally able to handle this term since I messed up on school.

Good timing I guess. 

But next quarter.

I want to stay active but not as an excomm member. There is too much involved.

As much as I want to stay a leader and help further the frat I'm in I know i mentally, physically, and emotionally cannot handle.

I need to find my passion. 

I want my free time to go towards that. As must gratification I get from APhiO it doesn't hit that spot. I talked about going back to certain things. It's still on my mind. I want it. 

Never give up your passions. 

Problem is I have to find it. 

Finding that love is what I want.

warning: cheese alert.

I found Nick.

More like BK found Jeanelle. I'm her lesbian lover and so I met BK's buddy who ended up being Nick who ended up being my Valentine date who ended up being my boyfriend who ended up being my passion.

Lately I've been moody as hell.

Like I'm on my dot status.

One i hate being on my dot.

Two i hate being moody.

I think the reason deals with idea that I don't think I'm good enough for him. I know he's gonna be all pouty face reading that sentence but the thats how i feel. I've always been insecure...too sensitive.. blah blah

things I'm learning to grow away from. 

I just need time.

dammit time can you just work with me for a bit. 

My room is messy.

It's looks like things are thrown everywhere (which they are)

but the thing is i know where everything is. 

i'm disorganizingly organized. 

yes i made up a word. 

point is tho i have all these things in my life that i want in it but i dont kno where to put it. there's my school books, my aphio binder, my clothes, my family momentos...

I want school, aphio, family and free time to be with me at all times but i dont kno how to organize it into something "clean". 

Despite my recent emotional outbreak concerning my boytoy I still feel the same giddy, shy, loving regard to him. It has never changed. I want him happy. and to do that I have to be happy. I guess he's like my housekeeper maid lady man who helps me clean up my mess making sure I know exactly where it is. 

Love I'm sorry you have to deal with me stressed out all the time, but I promise I will find a way to organize myself so I'm back to being on top. 

yes on top.

hahah

anyways...

thank you for your patience. 

told you sometimes you act more mature then me.

sometimes.