smoke smelling freshly trimmed.

ironic how i think of him

trying not to because i'm not with him like i want to be right now

but the song he has for me plays.

trying to fix my speakers

turn up the volume

itunes decides to play the song.

it's not like i'm sad or mad

i just 

no

selfish tendencies get nothing done.

i can't be with him all the time.

::slap to the face::

wake up

it's weird i don't have my fall back thing any more.

it's hard being alone

not like that

but i can't just do things without thinking hey what if he was here.

i walked around vendor fair alone.

walked to and from my car alone.

i used to be able to handle it.

i'm always too scared being too dependent on someone.

dance isn't my thing.

tennis isn't.

painting isn't.

school isn't.

where is my passion?

nick?

i can't do that too him.

he can't give me all his time like that.

no one can.

but selfish tendencies still makes me want it.

thinking too much is a bitch.

smell of smoke in my hair.