mucinex.

there's this stupid cough that i've been having. metaphorically speaking and literally. i have mucinex sitting on my desk but i don't use it. ready for analytical mode...ichi, ni, san HAI

I expect things to work out automatically. That's mucinex. an expectorant for bad times. There are the opportunities I can take to reduce the bad but I'm not taking the drug. Rather I'm just living it out, waking up early to a cough attack, a little wheezing here an there, but I just let it happen. Lately I've been lost with school, my future, my passions. I've probably blogged about this numerous times already but I find no solution. School, friends, family, even strangers are my expectorant of bad times. I have them to listen to what they have to say. Sometimes if it gets too much I fall back on them believing they will make the cough disappear. But I'd rather my immune system do the job. I want to find the answer myself. The suggestions, the help others give help me but in the end it's up to me. What do I want to do? Help others. Be a person others can depend on. Someone people go to for help and gratification. Someone I can inspire.

What job is that? There are so many ways one can be that person. Shit, mucinex is my analogy for someone who can, gratify, inspire and that's just an object. My passion is being there for others.

Sadly I feel like I'm not there for the people I care for themost, but hopefully they know. I've told a few of them I'm sorry for my lack of presence, but I don't know how to go about telling them everyday like I wish to.

Sorry for my ranting, but it's just been clouding my thoughts lately. It seems like my future isn't there because it's so broad where my interests lay. I said this a long long time ago but it's still a passion. I love Love. My birthday I felt a lot of love.

July 1st 2009:

midnight surprise from loves. actually started with a day early birthday song from diana park which made my night. nick vuu with flowers, a cake, and secret surprise for later -_-, jeanelle&bk with thug nicky (also from my big arigato), card from anna, a necklace pendant from mama vuu, sprinkles from michelle, later a slice of cake from emily and andrew...basically for my 20th birthday my friends decided to give me diabetes with all the sugar I've been getting.

disneylands present to me was go there for free :D

However, Nick Vuu gave me the rest of his present...

I really shouldn't say what I want or else Nick who looks like he doesn't listen actually does more than just hear me and will get it -_-

The following night was spent

with friends, family,

and my eyes closed.

Apparently the fire alarm went off but I didn't hear it until Nick had to get me out of bed to bring outside or else I woulda gone deaf. I preferred to sleep but he had to care for my eardrums I guess.

I went back home home after stopping by here but we came too

late.

I attempted an Asian Adventure Day but it didn't work out too well. It's okay when I got home home with Nick we had dinner at Red Lobster with my family. It was really nice. A dinner with no fighting just smiles and family. We went to Long Beach to have 4th of July with my cousins. We played with fire kinda.

Although a simple 20th birthday I loved it. Thank you everyone who even just said happy birthday to me like those random people at disneyland who read my boob. Again thank you for spending the whole weekend with me, missing out on your friends, and being with my family although you still feel uncomfortable.

No more teenager.

The diapers are off everyone. No more pull ups. It's undie time.