i wish i could do something to show him i can be there for him through his hard times.

but i can't.

family is family.

i'm just here.

today i woke up wishing i can just go back to sleep.

not because i was tired.

but because i didn't have to worry about what i'm gonna do today.

i have no motivation anymore.

no one no thing is pushing me.

with nick i want to do so much but we can't.

i'm trying not to let it bother me anymore.

but as a result i wake up apathetic towards everything. 

i'm not excited to see him.

i'm not excited to do well in school.

attempting dance scares me.

i liked when i had a security blanket.

to wrap me around knowing i can feel okay.

i like feeling like something is around me protecting me.

making it so i don't feel alone doing things. 

i like being held by someone. anyone at this point. 

i don't expect it anymore.

a security blanket.

life's pushing me to clearly just be independent. 

i like when people see me they actually give me those big hugs like they never want to let go.