the goals i have in mind are hard to not complete moreso hard to begin.
the time and dedication for something you want but question resides is if what i want is the correct thing in mind.

school is important but not for self satisfaction but for that award.
to have someone read on a resume that yes you had the money and time to finish a 4 year university.
but is that all that makes you qualified now?

yes i'm interning at hoag and in midst of graduating that in march.
with hopes i can do so sooner.
yes i now have a professor to research under.
but question is will i establish a relationship with her in hopes to receive words of recommendation?

i see performers on stage and i want to be with them but the training, passion, confidence...ugh the list goes on with that.
it's so scary to begin it all.

goals set your life in motion.
but drive and a little push to set forth that wheel.

i'm scared.
i wish school entitled automatic career but life has it where you need passion for a career in order for happiness.
careers are so you can make amends for the wasted money you spent partying and failing classes at those institutions your parents paid for. it's paying back the hard work. it's the end goal.
but i don't like that end goal.

i wanted to be a writer but i never pursued classes to help me learn proper mechanics.
i have the thoughts, the ponderings, the incessant babbling in my mind that probably makes writing more than an outlet.
however, i chose biosci. don't get me wrong i love actually learning this crap.
probably because the esteem it has. people go to you for answers on why your body is the way it is. sure i'm not that far in my studies to know but this is the foundation to it.

i like going out to be with friends.
but at the same time we all have the mindset of our future.
we want the fun but we know "not yet"
watching shows like jersey shore wher it's like people have the time too just fuck around.
it seems so enticing like that is what my future holds when im done.
but then i don't want that.
when i graduate i want to be financially set i want money to pay my parents back to provide for my brother and sister to have a boyfriend who may be a future husband to be prepared for my future family...my goals just go forever.

it's attainable but it's so intimidating to start.

well. here's my first step.
i'll wobble trip fall
but knowing that later i can jump, run, dance...