scary tree noises.

when your body is so exhausted the simple things like laying down, sitting still or even just standing there is just so amazing.

i still have time to think when i don't want my mind to wander so my body isn't at that brink of falling apart but i have hope it will be.

i found out that my sister may be in her first relationship.
a feat i wasn't able to do until my second year of high school.
even then i didn't know how to look attractive to the opposite sex.
a phenomenon i have yet to understand to this day.

i want one.
a relationship.
not like i love you here's all of me kind of relationship
but a budding yay you're my friend i love you kind.
can't tell the difference?
well basically a i want to spend time with you because you make me happy
and i don't need to worry about feeling like it's too committed because in a friendship like this we don't worry about that.
oh wait that's how any relationship should be.

or at least one that i hope i can have should be.

i want a massage.
or someone to talk to.
i was going to say real talk but that phrase pisses me off.
so just someone who will listen
someone who will talk with me. not at. not just to. but with.

i feel bad because i wasn't as committed with dance comp as i should be.
considering pcn was going on and midterms was during a bad time.
but hey i have my priorities set.
i just need to plan ahead is all.
busy bee busy bee.
lonely bee
but busy.

i wish i knew someone read this.
just so i don't feel like i'm talking to myself.
even though i am.

i'm going to be so busy
i won't find the need to want "that" again.
i won't need it anymore.
i can depend on just myself.
i can look and feel beautiful for myself.

but then again i don't want to talk with myself.
or go out just with myself.

decisions decisions.
how's your day?