why?

of course when i think everything will turn out great.
turn out alright.

it gets back at me.

i knew it.
i'm not allowed to deserve anything wonderful.
i'm not allowed to be happy.
there is always something that will screw me over.

i don't know if i can try anymore.
i want to stay with bio.
but fucking chemistry won't let me.
i'm ready to move on and show i can handle it.

but i can't.

i'm so mad at myself
i don't know what to do but cry.
i hate crying.
i hate how i can't do anything.

why is it school seems to be the only thing i have
people think im smart
obviously i'm not
i can't do anything right.
i want to give up.
i want to find me.

i begged my professor for a C
a fucking C
i'm begging for a pass.

it's gotten to that point in my life
where i have to beg.

i'm so disappointed with myself...